Tossing Small Stones: A Father’s Day Confession

Scott Gill

The rod doubled and the reel sang as the shark darted and dove to the deep. After fishing for days on aFloridapier, I had hooked a monster, and my Dad coached and cheered above everyone. I was nine when I carved out this memory with my hero. He’s a mere shell of a man now, gutted by Alzheimer’s, but all those days fishing in ocean and lakes and all those hours tossing ball, overshadow the wraith he’s become. Dad slumbers in assisted living and doesn’t even know my name, yet our memories together are as vivid in my mind as the moments they were made.

And I can only hope that I’ve been half the daddy he was.

Fatherhood is tough, the toughest thing I’ve ever done and often I feel a failure. The costs of putting food on the table and pumping gas in the car swipes my joy away and my kids are left with a growling papa bear, snarling at their slightest misstep.

It’s puzzling, though, because my kids don’t see me the way I do. My baby girl makes sudden declarations of adoration, like the other day on our way to Kindergarten when she yelled, “Daddy, I love you more than marshmallows!” And my oldest son, out of nowhere, texted that he’d just given a speech to 40 of his classmates on the topic, “My Dad, My Idol.” A couple of weeks ago my big, football-lovin’ sophomore gave the greatest book review I’ve ever received. He’d gotten hooked on my novel and after finishing it, he wrapped his long arms around me and whispered in my ear, “You’re my favorite writer, Dad.” And now, my third son has already planned his 15th birthday, months in advance, wanting to go on a hog hunt with me, just “him and dad.”

In the midst of my worry and grumbling, I’ve learned an incredible lesson: fatherhood is so powerful, so impactful, that it doesn’t take much to be your kid’s hero; small sacrifices make a deep impact. So, my Father’s Day pledge is this year is to worry less and play more, to toss more small stones into the ponds of my children’s lives. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll rise to the mythic hero of my father—the proud papa who rooted me on while I reeled in my record catch.

By Blue Ribbon News special contributor Scott Gill of Rockwall. He’s a teacher, coach and author of the young adult adventure novel, Goliath Catfish. His writings have appeared in Dallas Child, Teachers of Vision and Chicken Soup for the Soul. Follow his blog at scotttgill.com.

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