Rockwall, TX (February 24, 2025) – Recently I went to visit an old friend of mine. We met in Vietnam as soldiers, and for the next 57 years we were the very best of friends.
We worked together for the same companies. Our families spent holidays together. We went out to dinner together constantly. We cruised the high seas over the next 50 years, and we watched our kids become adults together.
But my visit to him was not a good one as he now resides in a local memory care facility.
He and his wife sold their home several years ago and they moved into a local retirement community. They were happy with the facility, people were friendly, food was good, and they said how satisfied they were with their decision to sell their home and move into where they currently were.
But unfortunately, after several years, his wife started exhibiting signs of dementia. This caused a move into assisted living, which fortunately existed in the same facility as their retirement community.
The dementia on the wife turned quickly into Alzheimer’s and he started having dementia of his own.
Now they moved once again in the same facility to the memory care unit.
And then, after only a short stay, his wife died. By this time, his dementia had evolved into Alzheimer’s and now he was in the memory care unit by himself.
Visits with him are tough. I don’t think he knows who I am and the friendship we had. He can’t speak now and only his expression gives any indication that he is even aware I am there. I talk about the things we have done together and the experiences we have shared over the years, but again I am not sure he really comprehends what I am saying.
Unfortunately, this is not my first experience with someone I cared deeply about. My previous wife, at age 48 was diagnosed with early on-set Alzheimer’s.
Talk about a shock! For her, me, our kids, the rest of the family, and our friends. Our life had been turned upside down with a catastrophe that was not even thought about.
And the next seven years were horrible in terms of dealing with this event that had unexpectedly thrust itself into our family.
Alzheimer’s must be horrible for the patient. But, it is equally horrible for the family of the loved one that now looks at you with a vacant stare in their eyes with no verbal capability to even talk.
Decisions need to be made for care of the individual. Economics plays a major factor in this care. Memory care units, for example, on a national basis, average $3,000-$7,000 a month for care. Some local facilities charge up to $10,000 a month.
Medicare provides no support, and in general, it is totally up to the family to develop a care plan for their loved one.
Many families simply cannot afford the expense of putting their loved one in a facility designed for their care. Instead, the family adjusts their living facility so there is a place in their home for the Alzheimer patient….or patients.
This usually turns into a difficult situation as an Alzheimer patient really requires 24-hour visibility from some sort of care giver as they tend to wander. Many examples can be cited of patients who simply walk away from their home and are not found again.
In short, Alzheimer’s becomes a family issue and people are usually totally unprepared for this event in their life.
It is getting worse. In the late 1990’s, the estimate of number of Alzheimer patients in the US was about 4 million. Today the estimate is between 6 and 6.9 million.
The current estimate for the number of years an Alzheimer patient might live is between 8-12 years, however some patients live up to 20 years after being diagnosed.
There is NO known cure for this disease. There have been several drugs introduced that claim to slow the progression of the disease, but results are mixed.
Keep this disease in the back of your mind as you prepare for retirement. It can change your life.
Jerry Hogan is a former Rockwall County Judge. He can be reached at jerryhogan@sbcglobal.net or 214-394-4033
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