Rockwall, TX (May 27, 2025) – Memorial Day was just this last weekend, and many started their vacation and had happy times with their family. But what was it like for the people who lost a loved one in the military?
It’s a tough subject when you write about a Soldiers death. Especially when that Soldier may have been killed in a war far away, like Vietnam from my personal experience.
Almost every town in America went through the very personal experience of having one of their own returned in a flag draped coffin. 58,000 lost their lives in Vietnam and about 4,500 in Afghanistan and Iraq.
When the death of a service member happens, notification of the next of kin is always done by a commissioned officer.
The officers who are assigned the duty of notifying the loved ones of a death of a serviceman or woman most often do not know the individual involved.
It is not a pleasant assignment.
Here is how an acquaintance of mine described his experiences as a casualty notification officer.
“It was late 1967 and I had just returned from Vietnam after 18 months in-country. Causalities were increasing and I had just been assigned as the Casualty Notification Officer in North Carolina, Virginia, and Maryland. Over the next 16 months, I made 28 death notifications. Most of the details of those notifications have now, thankfully faded from memory. Several, however remain.
My third or fourth day in Norfolk, Virginia, I was notified of the death of a 19-year-old Marine. The boy’s family lived over the border in North Carolina about 60 miles away. I drove there in a Marine Corps staff car and after crossing the state line, stopped at a small country store/gas station/post office to ask directions.
Three people were in the store.
A man and woman approached the small post office window, and the storeowner addressed them by name. ‘Hello John. Good morning Mrs. Cooper’.
I was stunned. My casualty next-of-kin name was John Cooper. I hesitated and then stepped forward and said, ‘I beg your pardon, are you Mr. and Mrs. John Cooper.’ The father looked at me-I was in uniform-and then shaking, bent at the waist and vomited. His wife looked horrified at him and then at me. Understanding came into her eyes, and she collapsed in slow motion. I think I caught her before she hit the floor.
Six weeks after my first notification, I had another. This was a young Private First Class. I drove to his mother’s house. As always, I was in uniform and driving a Marine Corps staff car.
I parked in front of the house, took a deep breath, and walked towards the house. Suddenly the door flew open and a middle-aged woman rushed out. She looked at me and ran across the yard screaming NO, NO, NO, NO.
I hesitated. Neighbors came out. I ran to her, grabbed her, and whispered stupid things to reassure her. She collapsed. I picked her up and carried her into the house. Eight or nine neighbors followed. Ten or fifteen minutes later, the father came in followed by ambulance personnel. I have no recollection of leaving.
On the next notification the father of the casualty was a Longshoreman. He lived a mile from my office. I called the Longshoreman’s Union Office and asked for the Business Manager.
He answered the phone and I told him who I was and asked for the father’s schedule.
The Business Manager asked, ‘Is it his son?’ I said nothing. After a moment, he said in a low voice, ‘Tom is at home today.’ I said, ‘don’t call him. I’ll take care of that.’ The Business Manager said “Aye Aye Sir” then explained that he and Tom were both in the Marines in World War II.
I got in the car and drove to his home address. I was in uniform and knocked on the door. A woman answered and I saw immediately that she was clueless as to why I was there. I said, ‘Is Mr. Smith home’?
She smiled and said that he was, but he was eating breakfast and could I come back. I told her it was important that I see him now.
She nodded and stepped back into the house and said ‘Tom, it’s for you.’
A moment later a ruddy man in his late forties appeared at the door. He looked at me, turned absolutely pale, steadied himself and said, ‘Jesus Christ man, he’s only been there three weeks!'”
Colonel Goodson didn’t say if he even remembered leaving the home.
So, you can draw your own conclusions. Unless you or a close friend have had a family member killed in a war, you probably have only had a casual awareness of the sacrifices the families have had with their loved ones helping to defend us and losing their lives in the process.
Please think about it now….and please tell a Soldier and his family, “Thanks for your sacrifices and what you are doing for us.”
A Broad View by Jerry Hogan: Part of the Military We Never Think About added by Melanie M on
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