Discover your child’s unique gifts

(May, 2013) “Mommy, when I grow up, I’m going to be a meat catcher,” my daughter Julia told me at age seven.

I had no idea what she meant. Would she be a hunter? A butcher? This didn’t seem to make sense since she loved animals with a passion. “What does a meat catcher do?” I asked.

She rolled her brown eyes, as if I should’ve known the answer. “It’s someone who catches meat and then gives it to poor people.”

Julia’s answer gave me a window into her empathetic, social-justice-bent heart. Even today, years later, she tends toward compassion.

She’s also good at gymnastics. And art. And many other things. If you’re like me, you have kids who are as varied as wildflowers, who display all sorts of tendencies and gifts. In a society consumed activity and busyness, it’s sometimes hard to detect our kids’ genuine gifts because we’re hurried.

Even so, every parent can help their children discover their unique gifts by asking three great questions.

One. Today if you could do anything you’d like, what would it be?

Asking this question brings your child’s gifts into the great right now. You may not even need to ask the question because we tend to observe our kids and note their natural bents and passions. For my son Aidan who used to play Legos like a madman, we already knew the answer to this question. This lead to us exploring architecture together. We asked an architect to offer him advice. We purchased an inexpensive CAD program. We framed his dream house drawing.

Two. When you’re in high school, what activity do you most want to do?

Though high school seems a long way off, most kids think about it. By pointing them to the not-so-distant future, we get a hint of their long-term passion. My daughter Sophie led her atheist friend to the Lord in the seventh grade, so we weren’t surprised when she befriended other interesting kids in high school. Her bent wasn’t sports or government or cheerleading; it was evangelism. We realized that God had wired her differently than others—that her high school accomplishments tended toward the spiritual and the academic.

Three. When you’re twenty-three, what do you want your career to be?

I annoy my kids constantly (in the best possible way, I hope) by asking this question. As in the meat catcher answer, we can discover a lot about our child’s passion by asking. Once your child replies, follow up with questions about the profession to clarify. Then ask them to brainstorm steps they can take today to move them toward their profession. If your daughter wants to be a veterinarian, for example, maybe she could volunteer at an animal shelter. The best part of this kind of question is letting your child come up with positive steps. It’s not up to you to make a dream come true.

“Your job is to notice their gifts, coach and cheerlead them toward success, and pray, pray, pray.”

Now what?

Once you’ve asked these questions and really listened to the answers, learn as much as you can about the interests your child wants to pursue. Don’t pursue it for them. Be careful that you don’t mistake your passions (or the passions you wished you had pursued when you were that age) for theirs.

Each child is a beautiful, unique gift, hand-shaped by our Master, to do great things. Remember this nugget of wisdom from the Apostle Paul: “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns” (Philippians 1:6, NLT). Ultimately, God works through your child. He prepares amazing things for them to do. Your job is to notice their gifts, coach and cheerlead them toward success, and pray, pray, pray.

By Blue Ribbon News special contributor Mary DeMuth, author of 14 books, including 150 Quick Questions to Get Your Kids Talking and Around the Word in 60 Seconds. She lives with her husband and three kids in Rockwall. Learn more at marydemuth.com and find more of her columns at BlueRibbonNews.com. This article is a reprint from HOME LIFE Magazine.