Life Lessons by Erin Kincaid: Narcissism and Flying Monkeys

ROCKWALL, TX (Dec. 19, 2022)- Many of us have difficult people in our lives. Some of us have people who take the word difficult to an entirely new level. In this conversation, we are going to focus on the narcissists in our midst. I’ve learned more about this personality from a local Professional Counselor who is also a Certified Narcissism & Abuse Specialist and since so many of us face this personality type without even knowing it, this is definitely something that needs to be shared. (Visit these pages to learn more about this personality type and disorder and remember, this is not a diagnosis tool but education to point you in the right direction: What is a Narcissist & Narcissism Subtypes and Personality Traits )

So this is what my wise seer taught me about my difficult person: it’s called the “narcissistic fill” or the “narcissistic supply.” First, we must understand that though they present themselves as polished and elite, Narcissists, by nature, are empty people. They are consumed with their image and with controlling how people view them. Desperately and insatiably consumed. Now here’s the fill & supply part- it’s called Flying Monkeys.

You see, when a narcissist begins to lose control over their victim, they’ll get their flying monkeys all riled up with sob stories of “oh woe is me” and pious martyrdom. They’ll tell the tale of how they were wronged and hurt, of how innocent they are and how they were victims to another’s vicious attacks. They do this so they can rope their “monkeys” (those still blind to their control) into the sabotage of their victim and fabricated adoration of the narcissist, at the same time. These blind monkeys do the witch’s bidding, circling in and out to feed their ego and protect that famed hallowed veneer.

“Named after the scary characters who followed the Wicked Witch in The Wizard of Oz, “flying monkey” is a term coined by mental health professionals to describe the people who side with a narcissist, participating in abuse by proxy as they participate in smear campaigns, and otherwise reinforce their sense of control and contribute to their supply. Some become flying monkeys simply by believing a narcissist’s false narrative. Sometimes flying monkeys are victims themselves, trapped by the lies of a narcissist. Other times they are like mini-narcissists, not caring about the damage they are doing.” (NAS Website*)

The hard part for the narcissist is that they can’t let go of the cycle. They are latched onto their victim in the darkest of ways- they hate them, so they send out their monkeys to do their damage and when they come back to report that Dorothy is dead (which she isn’t- she rises again and again) they end up loathing themselves for the disconnection they can’t make with their victim. And the cycle continues- another round of sob stories, another round of attacks- all in some vicious cycle they can’t free themselves from.

Now the Dorothy’s and the monkeys can free themselves- and they eventually do. Eventually they see the writing on the wall and walk, run, or fly away. It can take a very long time and often, once monkeys start to move away, they are often attacked themselves or punished by the narcissist. So, take heart and stay the course if you are one of these sweet creatures who has been caught up in the flying furry.

I don’t know who needs to see this, I imagine in this town, and day in age, there’s a few of you. The question is, are you a flying monkey? Have you fallen prey to the powers and abuse of power the narcissist wields? We wouldn’t dare ask you if you’re the narcissist because by the very nature of their disorder, they can’t ever be wrong and it takes a lot of professional help to be able to change and heal from the elements of this disorder. Just remember, with a Narc, not everything that glitters is gold and there are always more facts than your being given. If you need a more Biblical approach- slow to anger and slow to respond. And, last thought: be careful whose broom you hitch to- you might end up melting right along with them in the end.

*Link to NAS Website: https://narcissistabusesupport.com/red-flags/use-flying-monkeys/